Wrong Relationship Signs
Believers in karmic love often say things like: “Just be patient and hang in there – you’ll know when the right one comes along.” Perhaps these folks are right. After all, maybe there is a cosmic force at play that magically draws two people together.
But what happens if you get a false reading?
In other words, WTF do you do if you become involved with someone you thought was “the one” but now have nagging doubts?
Before continuing, let me say that I’m not trying to get all negative on your love life. And this post isn’t about stirring up panic and fear. Instead, I’m hoping to help you better understand several key signs that may suggest you’re in the wrong relationship.
As you read what follows, bear in mind that some of these points may seem obvious. Others, however, will cause you to pause and reflect. Read them all in context to better diagnose your current situation.
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. You’re disconnected from you
One major red flag that you are in the wrong relationship is not feeling like yourself. I’m not talking about a random case of the blues here. Instead, this sign speaks to an ongoing dynamic where the essence of who you are seems to have faded away.
Things to look out for under this one include:
- Regularly policing yourself around your mate
- Not talking about how you really feel because you fear abandonment or the silent treatment
- Regularly placing your partner’s needs above your own
2. You feel like a relationship spectator
Another strong indicator that you may be with the wrong person is feeling like you’re watching your relationship instead of being in it. Some people refer to this as being a relationship spectator
If it seems like you are detached from romance and spontaneity, look for these additional signs:
- You fake passion and interest during sex
- The focus of your attention is on making your mate happy with little regard for your own needs
- You regularly engage in activities with your partner that you don’t enjoy, believing: “relationships are about sacrifices.”
3. Your partner can’t tune into you
On some level, true love is empathic. In other words, the person you are destined to be with will be tuned into you. Granted, it takes time for this to happen but when it does, your mate is going to know what you are thinking and feeling – without you having to say a word.
But if you are with the wrong person, the opposite is true. No matter how hard they try, your partner won’t be capable of making an intuitive connection. This sign often pops up for couples who hold a physical connection but lack a spiritual bond.
4. You regularly seek validation
Healthy relationships are empowering. Unhealthy ones are toxic. The former applies to your situation if you regularly seek out validation from your mate in order to:
- Feel attractive and wanted
- Make yourself feel equal
- Gain permission or approval for everyday activities
5. Your thoughts and opinions are discounted
From time to time, it’s normal to disagree with a partner. But if your mate regularly makes you feel stupid and/or discounts your opinions, consider it a huge red flag you’re in the wrong relationship.
Sub-indicators under this one include:
- Apologizing for your opinions
- Being told you are dumb or ignorant
- Overriding your decisions because the other person “knows better”.
6. You regularly cater to your mate
The desire to make your significant other feel happy is normal. All of us want our lovers to experience pleasure, right? But if the situation is totally one sided and you are regularly catering to your mate’s every whim, you’re involved in something toxic.
A helpful way of knowing what’s healthy and unhealthy on this front is to take the codependency quiz. While not scientific, it is designed to act as a checklist to assess behaviors that may be chipping away at your relationship’s foundation.
7. You’ve lost your circle of friends
This final sign is one that is often overlooked. When you enter into a relationship, it’s only natural to spend more time with the object of your affection.
But too much time together could be a signal that something is way off. And while there’s no cookie cutter recipe for achieving the right balance, you’ll know the scales are off when:
- You no longer have a close circle of friends
- The person who once served as your bestie has now become a distant memory
- Your mate has problems with you spending time with another; even if that person is a lifelong friend
Summing Things Up
Relationships are hard to come by and even more difficult to maintain. That’s why it’s important to reflect upon your own dating history through the lens of self-compassion.
Remember this – true love can’t be manufactured and it can’t be faked. Trust your instincts and listen to your heart. Only then will you know if you are in the right relationship – or the wrong one.